14 Dec 21 / Blog

Life Coaching Saved Me

When I say life coaching saved my life, I don’t say that lightly.

As a child in the early 90s, I dealt with anxiety. Back then there was no discussion around children experiencing negative mental health and I certainly didn’t have the language to express what I was feeling at 11 years old. I struggled on and off until I was diagnosed with depression at the age of 15.

There was a history of depression in my family and so it wasn’t seen as a big deal. It was quite common for family members to be on anti-depressants. But the real glimmer of hope and light for me, came when I started dating my first love. We were happy for a short space of time, but then he started to struggle with his mental health too.  Sadly, he committed suicide a few months after we got engaged. I had been through depression, trauma, and now grief at a very young age, and these experiences became part of the story I told myself, about who I was and what I was capable of in life. 

The Story We Tell Ourselves

At 23 I was doing well in my career. I had a company car, a good salary, a team of people underneath me and I had just bought my first flat. That all sounds amazing, right? There were lots of positives, but I was also experiencing a huge lack of confidence. Hello, imposter syndrome! The story that I was now telling myself, was that I wasn’t intelligent, and I wouldn’t amount to much and the success in my career did not fit with that story. My depression came back full force. It manifested as an eating disorder, and I would binge and make myself sick. 

My story now included depression, not feeling good enough, my first experience of talking therapy, first love and the trauma and grief that followed, bereavement counselling, therapy for depression, a dream job I felt I didn’t deserve, an eating disorder and more.  Most of the therapy didn’t work for me and the eating disorder forced me down a very dark and scary road. It was then, that coaching came into my life.

A friend recommended a Life Coach to me in early 2000. Coaching wasn’t as well-known or understood as it is now in the UK., but even today, it’s not the norm to go to a life coach to help deal with an eating disorder.  I’d tried a lot of other therapy, however, which hadn’t really worked and so was willing to give it a go. Thankfully my coach was willing to dig deeper as we both knew that the eating disorder was a manifestation of my emotions and not the cause. 

Facing Fears

Through deep sessions, we discovered the root cause of my depression and eating disorder, was not feeling good enough.  Across all areas of my life, we could see it. I didn’t feel pretty enough, clever enough, educated enough…the list went on.  Coaching shone a light on my feelings but also gave me the accountability to tackle some of the fears I held. At work, I feared they had hired the wrong person, that they’d realise I couldn’t do the job and was winging it. Once I recognised this as an anxious thought, and not the truth, I was able to take positive action. I wrote a list of reasons I was good at my job including the interview process I’d had to go through to get it. I wasn’t here by chance. Seeing this in black and white helped me to do something I’d never done before. I faced my fears. My go-to reaction was to feel an anxious thought then run from it and bury it deep, but now I started asking myself what I could do to resolve it. If there was an area of my role that I knew I could do better at, I took action that would move me towards my goals. Working on development areas is key to removing imposter syndrome and something that is well within our control.

A Decade of Lessons

It’s taken a good decade to move out of negative mental health. 10 years of understanding myself, my triggers, who I am, removing the fear of what other people think, not seeking external approval or validation to prove my worth and instead instilling self-worth and self-belief. It also took me 10 years to reflect and realise that I hadn’t had depression during that whole journey. This was such a revelation to me that I knew I couldn’t keep what I had learned to myself.  So, in 2014 I gained my coaching qualification and in the last 8 years, I’ve designed a framework and a method, called the Unbreakable Mindset Method® which gives people access to learn in 4 months what I learned in 10 years.  

The Power Of Coaching

I start by taking each client back to their childhood to help them understand fully what their childhood blueprint is and what story they tell themselves. From this, we go into the subconscious and learn how that blueprint shows up in adulthood. Together we figure out what is holding them back and what is propelling them forward. Then we work on identifying their triggers and reprogramming those limiting beliefs. A key part of my Method is a self-enquiry technique.  I teach people how to use this to deal with anxious thoughts in a methodical way. Once Clients understand where their anxieties come from and how they show up, the groundwork is done. We then introduce their new identity, instilling self-worth, clarity on who they are in every part of their life and making sure their habits and actions align with their desired outcomes. This is all built up in layers.  

I feel very blessed to have experienced this journey to positive mental health myself but even more so that I get to share this with others. For so many people, depression and anxiety are situational and are linked to how we feel about ourselves and our external circumstances. These beliefs and the stories we tell ourselves can be rewired and retold to our benefit.  Long term issues and struggles that have kept you from living your dream life, can be resolved. Coaching is that powerful. 

If you want to know how coaching can help transform your life then book you free consultation below

Link to book call here 

If you want to listen to the latest episode of my podcast click here

Unbreakable Mindset Podcast