My unspoken words

For sometime now I have wanted to write a blog on coping with Depression.

It’s taken me sometime as there are only those close to me who know what I have been through so sharing this is like lifting a lid and allowing the rest of you to see in, its dark and unknown. The only reason I do this and the sole reason I became a life coach was to help those suffering with depression. By sharing my story hopefully just one person reading this who is struggling will know they are not alone and there is hope.

I have had depression from the age of 12. This I know will come as a shock to most of the people that I know. You see the girl who is happy, smiley and positive surely cannot be suffering from Depression?
Unfortunately at that age I was treated for everything but depression. It wasn’t until the age of 15 that I was then correctly diagnosed and put on medication. This I can say saved me at that point.

Depression can hit you from nowhere and you can have the best of everything, great family, money in the bank, successful career and still it can hit you.

There is a continuously and relentless dark cloud above your head. You scream, you cry and then if your lucky you can go to work/ school and carry on and hide it from the world. This is not about being ashamed and hiding it although that can also be the case. This is because the first time its hits you, you have no idea what the hell is going on.

The medication makes it easier to cope. You can start to put things into perspective a little. From the age of 15 – 21 I was on and off medication to help me cope. Life carried on.

22 came and I then suffered a small eating disorder, again I was extremely lucky. This was not the person I wanted to be. I’d been learning to live with depression so the last thing I wanted was to be someone with an eating disorder too. Again I was lucky to be able to share this with a few close friends, one of which told me about a life coach she had heard of. I went to see her and thankfully she focused on my life and what I was really struggling with rather than focusing on the eating disorder. Im not ashamed to say I was literally struggling with living. The key point to note was though that I had no idea what I was struggling with from the age of 12.

For 10 solid years I remained depression free, yes I had my sad days like everyone but NOT depression.

Last year though I suffered again. This hit me like a bolt out of the blue, I thought I was cured. I felt like a failure. I was more annoyed and angry with myself for allowing it to happen. Crazy I realise! The positives. I did not need medication. I was able to function. I remained on the outside ‘Normal’ and I was able to use tools and techniques I know work for me. I got out of it pretty quick. 2 Months of darkness rather than the 10 years I suffered in my early teens.

What I see now is that I may live the rest of life and remain depression free-however I might fall off the tightrope tomorrow and all my world come crashing down. The difference between now and then is that I can see it coming, I can take a breath and deal with it before it consumes me. I will always be walking a thin line but I remain happy, healthy and aware of how bloody lucky I am.

I can promise each one of you suffering there is light and hope. Hang in there. Get help. Im not saying life coaching is the therapy for you. Everyone is different and no case of depression is the same. Dont give up, keep fighting. Talk to loved ones. Seek medical advice. There are now many forms of therapy and help out there. Do not be ashamed to seek it.

A plant needs water to live and our souls need nourishment to survive. Feed your soul if its crying and get the help you need.

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